You guys… my life is so different!!!
At the close of last year I had just moved into a new home. Just me and my two babies. It was peaceful and quite. The walls were all a light beige color. The decor was all white and cream with a touch of mint. My youngest slept almost all day and my oldest was the cutest play-by-herself-nicely little girl you’ve ever seen. She didn’t get in the cupboards, she didn’t fling food all around when she ate. She didn’t know the words “candy” or “chocolate” or “watch”. I never turned the tv on.
I completely thought that life was going to be my life. My new, simple, quite life. Full of reflecting time. Full of time to be sad. Lonely but beautiful.
God had other plans.
Now my life is loud and messy. A man, warm and handsome and wonderful, sleeps in my bed with me. His two sons bring the kid count up to four and the two dogs make it six for a total of eight living souls filling this new house of mine – of ours. The walls are full of color and dirt. I am constantly cleaning up something or someone. The tv is almost always on. The dogs often bark and growl and scratch at the door. I get mad sometimes now. My feelings get hurt. I don’t always know the answers or how to behave or what to do.
At the close of last year I thought I would be advertising, raking in the clients, and working full time but that hasn’t happened. My nerves can’t handle that right now. Maybe someday. Maybe tomorrow.
You never know.
Life is crazy. Life doesn’t go as planned. It can change in an instant. But you know what…. it’s still beautiful. And although I complain from time to time, and I even think about suicide, I’m beyond grateful to be alive and living it.